Researchers working at the Large Hadron Collider facility near Geneva, Switzerland, have announced today that they have discovered why she swallowed a fly. This fundamental puzzle has baffled scientists from all disciplines for decades, from biologists to anthropologists to homeopathists. Theories were put forward, but all attempts to gain experimental confirmation had until now been fruitless.
This breakthrough discovery was announced by Dr Donald Fliegefresser at a news conference attended by journalists:
We are happy to announce that, to within statistically significant bounds, we have isolated the reason. There can be no reasonable doubt any more. We are happy to say that we can conclusively rule out all incorrect theories now, and that from this moment on, we know why she swallowed a fly.
Asked what prompted the research, Fliegefresser revealed:
When I was young, there was a retired lady living nearby. One day we heard that she had accidentally eaten a fly while out cycling, and we as a community - it was a small town - we were worried that it might be fatal. We never did find out why she did it. I remember asking towards the end of her life about the fly, because we still couldn't quite understand it, but her illness had made her quite hoarse and I couldn't make out the words. She's dead now of course, so it has remained a mystery all these years. Until now.
Speculative questions were rebuffed however; the researchers were clear to stress t his was merely the first step in what will be a long road ahead as more and more results become available. For example, still little is known about the spider who wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her, but this will be the next focus of Fliegefresser and her team.
The utility of this result is yet to be known.